root of the problem

Although it is commendable that the largest city in South Dakota has only 2 homicides on its record this year. It is also two homicides too many. One happened this week.

As I read the story yesterday, I can pick up clues to why this happened. In fact I wanted to cry for that mom. Not because she was the center of the horrendous murder of her boss. I want to cry for that mom because she settled, she gave in, she couldn't or wouldn't stand up. The fact that she had two restraining orders on the father of her children: one in 2009 and one in 2010. Her children with this man, the 17-month old and the 7-week old, would have been perhaps conceived after that. If she would have never given this man a minute of her time, much less free reign of her life, her body, perhaps, perhaps could this have been prevented.

I will now repeat: I am not an expert on domestic violence; violence against the mother of your children is never acceptable; I understand life is nearly unbearable with a violent domestic partner and it is hard to get away from them. No, I don't know the whole situation.

What I am thinking about starts before this.

I am going out on a limb, but since the two weren't married, I am assuming this wasn't an arranged marriage that just never got around to getting married. Each of them decided sometime, under unknown influences, that this was the person to hang on to. Or shack up with. At least for a while.

I just wonder if she had a good friend or any kind of friend who was helping her check this guy out in the beginning. Were there warning signs she wasn't looking for, but everybody else saw? Perhaps she wasn't listening to that friend's advice against such a relationship. Perhaps her friends, her co-workers, whoever saw the relationship progressing didn't want to meddle. Did she even really know this man who fathered two of her children or did the relationship start out backwards from the beginning?

Oh, if I could speak in a way that made sense or was in a position to say it, this is what I would shout to teenage girls, to adult females who are looking, experimenting: you have been created by specifically by the Creator of the Universe. You are precious. Every part of who you are. You are valuable. Any man who does not respect you should have none of your time or attention. You have more to offer than to be treated as a used piece of toilet paper. You are specifically designed for a unique purpose. (a million or a billion have said it so much better than I)

The old saying, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?" comes to the front. There was no investment on that man's part to let his woman know she was valuable or respected. There is a good chance she didn't expect him to.

So there it is. The unpolitically correct version. Domestic violence is not a one-way street, in general. Domestic violence starts with a glance and a compromise or two and some behavior overlooked.

There is a very good reason why the Creator of each human walking or crawling or sitting or laying on this earth set out some operating instructions on how we are to treat each other as humans and as males and females. One will be a man that perhaps few will mourn for in the coming days. One will be the salon manager who sent out a warning, perhaps too many months or years late, that many will mourn for in the coming days.